Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
