Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
