I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
