i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
