I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
