I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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