yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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