Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
