I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
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