Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
