she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
