You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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