tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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