Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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