i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
