i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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