If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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