smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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