You surviving the open bar?
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you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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