I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
