i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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