god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
