I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I understand Curling. That high.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
