Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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