I just pynch a tree in the face
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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