so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
