i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Is Oprah even human
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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