if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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