i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
