I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
