I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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