Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
