is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
