they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
