just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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