the condom got lost in my hair
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
