You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
