just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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