NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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