Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
