I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
