The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
