bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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