ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
