What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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