I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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