Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
