forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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