i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
