she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
